5on5 with Russian Machine Never Breaks

We’ve all had some rugged Saturday nights.  …those evenings where, the morning after, you roll over, realize what you did the night before and start to panic.  You coyote your way out of bed, grab your pants and wallet (f the shoes!) and scramble out the door. You do everything you can to block the vague memories from that night out of your head.

Maybe we’re growing up here…or maybe we just need to get our belt back…but today we’re having the proverbial “cup of coffee” with the Saturday night massacre that was the Capital City Blowout.  We’re talking with Peter Hassett from the highly entertaining, multimedia ornamented Capsblog Russian Machine Never Breaks.  We open back up the FIVEonFIVE segment from last year with a discussion about past trades, early season successes and expectations.  …and the cinematic delight, Bring it On. Peter’s responses to our questions are below.  Ours will be posted on RMNB later today.  Head over there and show our Saturday night fling some love.

**Update: Our responses are up on RMNB here.

1. Compare the Caps trading Robert Lang to Detroit back in 03-04 to the indians’ sale of Manhattan…who came out ahead here?

What a perfectly timely question! Lang was the solitary bright spot on the Caps during a very dark period (that came very close to losing me as a fan forever). Trading him to Detroit in exchange for some magical beans was naive and foolish at the time. But from those magic beans grew #52 Mike Green, who scored twice on your Wings on Saturday and got himself four points in toto.

So yeah, the purchase of Manhattan was the most profitable transaction in the history of all time ever, but that place still gets regularly attacked by bed bugs, Magneto, and the Cloverfield monster. The only things Mike Green has to worry about are errant pucks and dirty hits from the entire Atlantic division. Let’s go with Green.

2. If Boudreau were using ice cream to lure little kids into a white van instead of eating it all himself, what’s his go-to flavor?  Do kids even respond to vanilla any more?

I can’t speak for the kids, but if Bruce Boudreau had a quart of Cold Stone Creamery’s Peanut Butter Cup Perfection, I’d jump in that unmarked van with a quickness. That might even get me to read his book, Gabby: Confessions of a Hockey Lifer. JK. Nothing could make me read that.

3. Despite their early season success, my concerns about Colorado actually turning out a decent team this year over an 82 game season are negligible.  That said, it makes me sad that they suck so bad because it takes the heat off a once-great rivalry.  Are you secretly pulling for the THID to come back right now so you can have the gratification of beating them full-strength or is any Pens beating a good Pens beating?

Whenever I have an opportunity to quote the film classic Bring It On, I take it: ”I define best as competing against the best there is out there and beating them.” Torrance Shipman was so right when she says this. Caps fans want the Penguins at their best for the sake of both teams, the rivalry, and the sport.

That said, I wanna take a little bit of air out of this rivalry’s tires. The Caps have stomped the Penguins in the regular season for the last billion years. But in the postseason– when it really counts, the Pens have been the snooty doormen sending our Caps away from the cool dance club and back to some dingy dive bar. I predict the Caps will continue shellacking the Penguins in the regular season, but it won’t carry any meaning until the two teams meet in the playoffs again.

P.S. – We’re oddly invested in the Avs this year. If they miss the playoffs, our team gets a sweet draft pick. So “Go Wings Go!”

4. A brief google sweep reveals that Ovechkin is hitting this …or at least he was back in 2008.  Given how ugly the women in DC are, don’t you think it’s unfair that he’s not localizing his tastes more and going for less-prime tail?

We live, breathe, sleep, eat, and defecate hockey on our blog. We’re scouring the news feeds, skimming the stats, and rooting through the trash cans at Ketler Capitals Iceplex on a regular basis. That said– even we cannot keep up with the thrill-a-minute action of Alex Ovechkin’s love life.

Ovi has been caught on video saying that he prefers Russian women, but that was for some Russian program– so he might’ve been tailoring the message to the audience. That or his mom is forcing him to date хороший русские девушки. It doesn’t matter; his proclivities are his own, and we’re not out to judge him.

And if he’s only interesting in Russian ladies, that leaves more beautiful, intelligent, and charming women of the DC/Metro area for the rest of us. Me in particular.

5. I’m not wholly against Detroit joining the Eastern…even the Southeast division…under the condition that Florida is somehow removed from the league or pushed off into some Cubano development league.  Politically speaking, is this second option possible?

Florida is one of the most interesting teams in the league, so I’m totally against it! They’ve become the retirement home for all the old Capitals players, and now we get to visit our old buddies six times a year. Plus their season ends promptly at the beginning in April, so they all get maximum time to work on their suntans and practice bocce. Works out perfectly for everyone.

And I’ll thank you not to insult Liga Nacional de Hockey de los Cubanos, which is home to some talented hockey prospects that we’re tracking pretty closely. The pace of their games is really fast, they’re scoring a lot of goals, and next year they’re planning on adding ice– so it should get even better.