5on5 :: Days of Y’Orr

5on5 picks up this week with the fellas from Boston Bruins-loving Days of Y’Orr, who all look like a young lost Affleck brother and can break down those mensa quizzes in American Way magazine like Damon in Good Will Hunting.  We cover old goalies, terriers, fat chicks from the Northeast and that odd stopover for Patty Eaves in Boston.  You can find our answers to their questions here (updated) at DOY.

1. Before we go down the road of age and Detroit and how the two are both inextricably linked and an unquestionably bad thing, at what point are you prepared to acknowledge that the fella between the pipes for you during last year’s SCF run is both an elder statesman (37) and from Michigan? If he were 23 and from Brookline, I’d see your point, but as this guy was the biggest reason you all won the Cup last year, it might be time to revisit that argument.
To be fair, we’re glad that our goaltender isn’t 23 or from Brookline because both have problems. The last thing we would want is our goaltender shirtless on bars with Brad Marchand and Tyler Seguin, letting all those tramps in Boston schmooze all over the guy. We’re cool with Marchand and Seguin doing it, but there’s something different about your goaltender. Your goaltender needs to be an even keel guy who won’t go out of his way to be a pain in the ass. Thomas didn’t do any of that this offseason. We’re not sure what he did, but we’re pretty sure it had him running up the snowy mountains of Russia carrying a log and it ended with a long, drawn out LUONGO!!!!!!

2.  Patrick Eaves had a brief contractual stop in Boston a few years back before coming over to the Wings (thanks for paying part of his salary for the past few years, btw). He’s been in and out of the lineup this year (we’ve speculated on the reasons, wildly), but the man clearly has a place on this team as a skilled grinder who can move up in the lineup if he needs to. Any regrets about not giving Eaves a shot with your B’s?
Many people see Jeremy Jacobs as a cheap ass owner, but if he was so cheap why would he just let Eaves walk? The Bruins are a giving organization. They’re like the Michael Jackson of the NHL…something about players half off? I don’t know where I was going with that one, but yeah about that Tim Tebow!

In terms of Eaves being on the Bruins, we have our skilled grinders, notably Greg Campbell. Not many people were familiar with Campbell when he was packaged in the Horton trade, but he’s been a big addition to the Bruins. He’s a skilled centerman who can play offensively, defensively, fight and kill penalties. Campbell was a big reason the Bruins won the Cup, and yes, I mean Colin.

3. Staying on that Michigan-born goalie thread, just how many shits does Lucic give for that dirtbag hit he put on Ryan Miller earlier this month?
There’s a rumor that Lucic gives zero fucks.

4. I heard a rumor that before the Boston Terrier became so wildly popular among the gay community, it was just called the Terrier. Please either confirm or refute this.
First of all, if we’re going to deficate all over Boston, let’s call it a Bahstahn Terriah. I guess I’m not really up on the name of dogs because I’m too busy watching our sports teams wins. I mean, yeah, the Detroit Pistons had a nice little run in the early -00′s before Stephen Jackson and Ron Artest started a riot and the Detroit Tigers something-something, but the Sox, Celtics and Patriots were too busy winning championships.

It’s a good thing the gay community didn’t name the terrier after Detroit, because based on its non-iced sports franchises it would be called the Shameful Terrier

5. How under-appreciated is Casey Affleck and how often does this topic come up in conversation at Boston bars?
You know, this is quite the hot button topic when you go out to the bars. I’m a married man now, but when I was a swinging bachelor, I’d go out to The Purple Shamrock and start up a conversation with some young slut about Casey Affleck and his role in “Gone Baby Gone”. I mean, that Boston accent, it’s like he’s not even trying!

There’s a movement sweeping through Boston like wildfire though. There are those who believe that Ben Affleck is actually the superior brother, but I ask them: “Have you actually watched Reindeer Games?” Exactly. Sure, The Town was pretty good but the ending sucked.

Casey Affleck deserves a god damn Oscar for his work in that one movie where the guy did that thing in a Boston accent. Yeah, you know the one I’m talking about.

I mean, he’s no Tim Allen, but we all can’t have it that good. {Insert Tim Taylor grunt there}